what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
