This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
