I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
