Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
