Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
