We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
