Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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