Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
