True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
