Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
