Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
