I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
