maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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