he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
