And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
