I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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