i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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