can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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