I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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