U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
