so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
