it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I will be naked everywhere
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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