Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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