I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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