We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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