That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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