thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
