The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
