he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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