just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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