shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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