He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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