At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
