hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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