She said her name was "party"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
