even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
