It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
