I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
