Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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