So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
