Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
