I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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