His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
