Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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