how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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