My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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