... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm always down for nudity.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
