I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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