Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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