Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
