So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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