Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
