Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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