Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
