Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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