i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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