I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
